


I don't wanna be in love

by Akela_Fang



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Dark Sides As Family (Sanders Sides), M/M, Mom deceit, Parent Deceit | Janus Sanders, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:28:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akela_Fang/pseuds/Akela_Fang
Summary: Janus wants to be happy about Thomas accepting him but Roman's reaction refuses to leave his mind.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 106





	I don't wanna be in love

Janus sank down into his room, a grin still on his face. A disbelieving laugh escaped his lips. He had done it! He would be listened to now!

He knew the others would be waiting for him in the 'dark side's' common room but he wanted to take a second to cherish this moment. However as he let everything sink in he found that his mind didn't want to stay on Thomas saying he was right.

The euphoria of Thomas accepting him faded as instead, it played his name reveal and Roman's reaction over and over again. The giddy feeling from just a few moments ago had been replaced with a stabbing pain every time he heard Roman's laugh ringing through his mind. He felt a tightness in his chest, an ache he knew was from more than just having someone strike at him during one of the few times he allowed himself to be vulnerable. It was because of who was making that strike.

A horrid choking sound rang through the room. It took Janus a second to realise the sound came from him. He covered his mouth with his hands to muffle the noise but that didn't stop the tears. He felt them running down his cheeks and over his fingers, quickly followed by more. Quieted sobs racked through his body causing him to sink to the floor.

There he stayed crying till his head hurt and he had no more tears to shed. The ache in his chest refused to leave. 

It hurt. It hurt as every jab and insult Roman threw at him played on repeat. Why wouldn't it stop?

He didn't want to feel this ache. He didn't want to feel this pain that tainted what was supposed to be his victory. He'd give anything at that instant to just not feel.

With that thought he knew what he needed.

He wipes the tears from his face and forces himself to his feet. He lowered his hat to hide his eyes and left his room.

The others were waiting for him as he knew they would be. Well most of them. The one he needed was no doubt still in his room.

Eros was the first to notice him.

"Hey Janjan! How'd it go, hun?" He asked.

Janus didn't answer. He moved as quickly as he could to the grey door across the room, opening then closing it behind him.

As soon as he entered he felt the sharper pain dull slightly. Roman's laughter was no longer a loud ringing but a fuzzy drone at the back of his mind. He released a breath he hadn't known he was holding since opening his door.

The side laying on the bed raised his head just enough to look at him.

"Mom?"

Janus forced a smile "Hi Apathy. Mind if I hang out with you for a bit?"

After the divider was made between the 'dark' and 'light' sides Janus had taken it upon himself to care for the younger sides. The older two 'dark' sides used to jokingly call him mom and mama bear because of this. The younger ones picked up on it and started calling him mom for real.

Apathy was one of his boys. Forever dressed in black and grey PJs, rarely leaving his room and never wanting to put energy towards anything, even coming up with a name for himself. That's his Apathy.

Apathy gave him a confused look, used to Janus coming into his room only to drag him out, before shrugging and lowering his head back onto his pillow. 

"Whatever."

Janus climbed onto the bed beside Apathy. He felt the effects of Apathy's room and his close proximity grow stronger. Roman's laughter had faded completely and his harsh words were lowering in volume to just above a whisper. 

Janus looked over at Apathy and noticed he had earbuds in. A fairly common sight since music seemed to be one of the only things that could keep his interest for long.

"What are you listening to?" He asked.

"Good Charlotte." Apathy mumbled.

"Can I listen?"

Instead of answering Apathy took out an earbud and held it out to Janus. Janus took it and put it in his own ear.

The two lay there, neither speaking as time stretched on. Song after song in Apathy's playlist went by. Janus had lost track of how many they had listened to as his mind numbed and the pain in his chest eased. But it refused to fade completely. That ache in his chest, just over his heart, would not leave completely. He knew why.

His hand came up to rest over the spot where the ache resided, fist clutching at the fabric of his shirt. In a pained voice he sang along to the song playing.

"I don't wanna be in love,  
I don't wanna be in love."

Apathy moved for the first time since giving Janus his earbud. He turned onto his side and reached over to his mom, pulling him into a hug.

This time Janus didn't feel it as tears rolled down his cheeks.


End file.
